really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
