i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
