Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
