Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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