No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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