you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
