he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I need to stop coming to work sober
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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