The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
