My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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