there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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