I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
