I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
