they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
