so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
