He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
