My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
