Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
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I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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