the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize