So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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