I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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