Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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