Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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