I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm like, not good at living.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
