We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
