don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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