dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
