Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
