Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
