Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
