Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
