I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
should my penis look like a turkey
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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