i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
