Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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