Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
