you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
my poor anus
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize