so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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