Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
