That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
