SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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