he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
