Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
