I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
