So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
