I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
