Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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