I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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