3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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