i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
