my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
