Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
