Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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