A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
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