My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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