i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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