you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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