two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
