The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
