The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
