take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
