you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
