Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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