I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
