Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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