That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
