now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
