He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
