By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I see more hoeing in ur future
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