I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
