You're so nebulous sometimes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
