these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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