Do you still have your period?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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