I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
